When you're questioning everything

I do question why we are allowed to suffer. And I do wonder if Christians should have the abundant life. Until He explained that maybe the abundant life is knowing we are saved. That we are going to Heaven and that He will always be with us and never leave us. 

As I watched the Hiding Place today, and watched Corrie ten Boom still love Jesus in the midst of a concentration camp, I'm forced to look around me. I have a really beautiful life. She lost her father and sister and all she knew. All she had was a Bible and He was enough. I loved what Betsy said , " there's never a pit too deep that His love isn't deeper still". I've been in self made pits and I've been thrown in some and a pit is a pit. The only way out is to praise Him step by step, blessing upon blessing, starting with the first breath you take in the morning. 

It's easy to get caught up in the things we don't have and look around and see what others do have. It's saying that God doesn't know best and we are better at running our own lives than God. We aren't. Are we? Another quote is trusting an unknown future to a known God. Don't you just love how He's given us so many heroes, examples, people who have been through more than we could imagine and they more than conquer. And they've been and still are inspirations to us. We know we WILL MAKE IT. The seasons always change and suddenly God works a miracle. 

So I count blessings and all the ways He loves and I can't help but smile. I really am blessed  and outside the sun is coming up and the waves are slow and steady....

If you feel led to help me or someone else go on this amazing leadership conference let me know in the comment section. 

Catalyst

I'm trying to raise money to go on a leadership conference in Atlanta Georgia in October. I need to pay by sept 18th and I'm believing Him for a miracle and His favor. If you feel led to help please leave a comment. I know God has big things planned for me. He's given me a heart for women's ministry and letting them know how much they're loved and how beautiful they are. Society says one thing. God says another. God bless you and keep praying. Claiming His provision. In His name. 

When you really need to trust God and 21st birthdays

Tomorrow is my oldest daughters 21st birthday. Where did the time go? Yesterday we were playing dollhouse and making Barbie houses. Watching Father of the Bride part 2 and Cinderella. I'm tying your bow for the 50th time to make it even. And wearing your daddy's shoes I'm the prince and you're the princess. 

Fast forward. You're still my princess. You're a gift from God almighty. Everyday I'm reminded of His goodness just looking at you. No one tells you that labor pains continue even after the birth day. They continue when their hearts are broken. When they are rejected. When someone tells them they're not all you've told them they are. Oh how we hit our knees and pray constantly for God to protect them. And hold their hearts close. I've done things different from the norm. I've said more yes than no. When most were going to college, I said yes you can follow Him to ministry school. When God says no, stay where you are and watch me work, together we said YES. and how you sing so beautifully as you lead His people in worship on Sundays. How did we live through all that we have? Losing your childhood home? Moving from all you've known and held close? Watched me battle demons? Seen poverty up close? Because HE LIVES. ..... Because we trust Him with all we are and all we have. Since the day you were born you've been His and I'm so grateful to have God to guide and direct. Where would we be without Him? We will never have to know!!

Happy Birthday Baby. You are my world. I love you. 

P.S.  I'm trying to raise money to go on a ministry retreat with my church. If you feel led to help financially please let me know. Thank you for reading. I am praying for you all. 

Resting In Him

About Benjamin he said: “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
—Deuteronomy 33:12

Today I have every reason to be stressed. To doubt my future and wonder how I will be feeding them this week. But instead I cling to Him. God of the impossible. I pray and trust and claim blessings. And know that I'm taken care of. God, You are Master of the universe. All resources belong to You and You choose how to give them. Bills are due. Yet you will deliver. 

I have so much to be grateful for. Beautiful life full of joy because you have freed me. My purpose is to glorify you. To love you. 

How awesome is it that you carry us and shield us. That we get to rest in you. On You. Oh God. My love for You is endless. My adoration for you is abounding. Why do I ever doubt and why does my faith falter? I get caught up in the "that must be nice" instead of "not our time yet". Yet. He promised that seasons do not last forever. Just as the cool fall breeze gives relief from the summer heat, so You give relief and take us to another more fruitful and abundant season. 

My desire is to desire You over all. To not start my day until I speak to You. To dig into Your word and to be empty of mr only to be filled with You. As I poured out the old wilted flowers and put fresh ones in the vase, I had to empty the yuck brown water and replace it with fresh pure water. So we must empty to fill. 

And I'm filled and I'm overflowing. And the seagulls are flying over and salty sea air blowing in the new. 

18 wake up days and grace

My youngest, km, calls school mornings "wake up days". And we are counting them down. See, my happy little morning sunshine has changed her tune in the mornings and its not so sunshiney if you know what I mean. She loved school last year as it was her first year to not homeschool. And her teacher worshipped her. The center of her world. But not this year and she's not happy.
Aren't we all like that sometimes? We get a little out of sorts when we feel overlooked. Not special. Just another person? But we are so much more than that in the eyes of our Father and He gives us grace beyond measure and its unending. Just like we do our own children except He forgives and forgets. Oh what a blessing. We actually are the ones that overlook Him. Take delight in the world sometimes and forget our purpose. To live a one piece life that represents Him and points to Him. Oh how we forget whats important. My pastor once asked a question. About how when we go on vacation and stay in either a hotel or condo, do you go buy new paint? New bedding? New sofas? None of the above. And why not? Because you're just passing through. Same as here. On this earth. Don't invest in things earthly. Invest only in eternity for this is temporary and He's given us so much beauty to enjoy while we are here. Sun rises and sunsets and oceans and rivers and lakes. Flowers that smell, birds that sing and rain that quenches the green grass that cushions our steps in summer. He could have just plopped us into nothingness but He didn't.
This grace He freely gives we take for granted. Try living a day without it. As we speak He's already set the moon into place while the sun is setting. And I hear the ocean. And I am grateful.

James Bond and Bonding

Oh little boys. I'm all he wanted when he was small. My voice was the only comfort that quieted and my arms were safe. When did your hands begin to look like your dads and when did you begin to shut me out? I am learning that mamas and little boys relationships so precious so rare so different and changes like the river and I'm feeling my way through. I used to know him like the back of my hand. I spend so much time with him and homeschooling and we laugh and bond. Over our same liking of James Bond. Oh how I love you my only boy. Your laugh and your hugs. Your talking. And talking. During tv shows and movies. I love your voice. And your laugh and your heart. It's so huge. Full of love for all. I'm praying you through this growing time. It's hard I know. Figuring out who you are. Why life's unfair. Why we moved you from all the people you know and love. And here to a place where you know no one. As a family we have never been closer. But you wouldn't have chosen this. Bubba and Mimi are your loves and you would move back in a heartbeat but God has us here. I love here. It's serenity. It's the beach. It's the ocean. It's the sand. I have found healing and the woman I really am. A closeness with my God so I can be the mom you need. One that will lead you by His Spirit of truth. I will speak life words to you and I will remind you always of your Creator and Savior Who love you so much and want a closeness with you. Be God fearing a seeking always. For now I will place all of you in His capable hands trusting Him to help me raise you to be the best you.

So today I'm just sitting next to you. Loving being your mom. Yes this is uncharted waters for me as the rest are girls. But His word is my guide and I'm loving this adventure. You may not be Buzz Lightyear anymore. I may not be April from the ninja turtles but we will always be each others. And I love you so much.

Moment of silence

Where is God when things explode and people lose much? And children die and this is not fair. He's exactly where He was when His Son hung on the cross and died for us. I know He shed tears today and this isn't His will. But He can make good and help us through. Being close to us in darkness and shining brightest in it. Lord we sin and make messes and You forgive and give grace.

Please let these people feel your presence. Please wrap Your arms tightly around them. Let Boston SEE YOU. let them feel You. Let those who love you be there for those hurting and may we never stop praying and praising You.

A moment of silence for the deceased and a quiet praise for those who are with You tonight. I love You. Tears tonight bring joy in the morning.

And the stars are bright here. And the wind blows and I'm holding my babies tighter tonight.