Resting In Him

About Benjamin he said: “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
—Deuteronomy 33:12

Today I have every reason to be stressed. To doubt my future and wonder how I will be feeding them this week. But instead I cling to Him. God of the impossible. I pray and trust and claim blessings. And know that I'm taken care of. God, You are Master of the universe. All resources belong to You and You choose how to give them. Bills are due. Yet you will deliver. 

I have so much to be grateful for. Beautiful life full of joy because you have freed me. My purpose is to glorify you. To love you. 

How awesome is it that you carry us and shield us. That we get to rest in you. On You. Oh God. My love for You is endless. My adoration for you is abounding. Why do I ever doubt and why does my faith falter? I get caught up in the "that must be nice" instead of "not our time yet". Yet. He promised that seasons do not last forever. Just as the cool fall breeze gives relief from the summer heat, so You give relief and take us to another more fruitful and abundant season. 

My desire is to desire You over all. To not start my day until I speak to You. To dig into Your word and to be empty of mr only to be filled with You. As I poured out the old wilted flowers and put fresh ones in the vase, I had to empty the yuck brown water and replace it with fresh pure water. So we must empty to fill. 

And I'm filled and I'm overflowing. And the seagulls are flying over and salty sea air blowing in the new. 

18 wake up days and grace

My youngest, km, calls school mornings "wake up days". And we are counting them down. See, my happy little morning sunshine has changed her tune in the mornings and its not so sunshiney if you know what I mean. She loved school last year as it was her first year to not homeschool. And her teacher worshipped her. The center of her world. But not this year and she's not happy.
Aren't we all like that sometimes? We get a little out of sorts when we feel overlooked. Not special. Just another person? But we are so much more than that in the eyes of our Father and He gives us grace beyond measure and its unending. Just like we do our own children except He forgives and forgets. Oh what a blessing. We actually are the ones that overlook Him. Take delight in the world sometimes and forget our purpose. To live a one piece life that represents Him and points to Him. Oh how we forget whats important. My pastor once asked a question. About how when we go on vacation and stay in either a hotel or condo, do you go buy new paint? New bedding? New sofas? None of the above. And why not? Because you're just passing through. Same as here. On this earth. Don't invest in things earthly. Invest only in eternity for this is temporary and He's given us so much beauty to enjoy while we are here. Sun rises and sunsets and oceans and rivers and lakes. Flowers that smell, birds that sing and rain that quenches the green grass that cushions our steps in summer. He could have just plopped us into nothingness but He didn't.
This grace He freely gives we take for granted. Try living a day without it. As we speak He's already set the moon into place while the sun is setting. And I hear the ocean. And I am grateful.

James Bond and Bonding

Oh little boys. I'm all he wanted when he was small. My voice was the only comfort that quieted and my arms were safe. When did your hands begin to look like your dads and when did you begin to shut me out? I am learning that mamas and little boys relationships so precious so rare so different and changes like the river and I'm feeling my way through. I used to know him like the back of my hand. I spend so much time with him and homeschooling and we laugh and bond. Over our same liking of James Bond. Oh how I love you my only boy. Your laugh and your hugs. Your talking. And talking. During tv shows and movies. I love your voice. And your laugh and your heart. It's so huge. Full of love for all. I'm praying you through this growing time. It's hard I know. Figuring out who you are. Why life's unfair. Why we moved you from all the people you know and love. And here to a place where you know no one. As a family we have never been closer. But you wouldn't have chosen this. Bubba and Mimi are your loves and you would move back in a heartbeat but God has us here. I love here. It's serenity. It's the beach. It's the ocean. It's the sand. I have found healing and the woman I really am. A closeness with my God so I can be the mom you need. One that will lead you by His Spirit of truth. I will speak life words to you and I will remind you always of your Creator and Savior Who love you so much and want a closeness with you. Be God fearing a seeking always. For now I will place all of you in His capable hands trusting Him to help me raise you to be the best you.

So today I'm just sitting next to you. Loving being your mom. Yes this is uncharted waters for me as the rest are girls. But His word is my guide and I'm loving this adventure. You may not be Buzz Lightyear anymore. I may not be April from the ninja turtles but we will always be each others. And I love you so much.

Moment of silence

Where is God when things explode and people lose much? And children die and this is not fair. He's exactly where He was when His Son hung on the cross and died for us. I know He shed tears today and this isn't His will. But He can make good and help us through. Being close to us in darkness and shining brightest in it. Lord we sin and make messes and You forgive and give grace.

Please let these people feel your presence. Please wrap Your arms tightly around them. Let Boston SEE YOU. let them feel You. Let those who love you be there for those hurting and may we never stop praying and praising You.

A moment of silence for the deceased and a quiet praise for those who are with You tonight. I love You. Tears tonight bring joy in the morning.

And the stars are bright here. And the wind blows and I'm holding my babies tighter tonight.

Tired yet grateful

Instead of beach towels and sunscreen I've traded them for Advil and children's triaminic. Yes they've all been under the weather and I'm the caretaker. When fevers are high patience runs low and grace is needed and plenty. It's hard to admit it. That sometimes nurturing doesn't come natural. Or that we are nurtured out and we want some too. I resented him bringing home this illness. And I resented him feeling under the weather. I'm selfish like that. I always regret it. I long to be all to all. The true proverbs 31 woman.

I hear coughing from the back She's not quite well yet. So I give her medicine to quiet the hacking. What we all need is true medicine from the Great Physician. His word heals all. Quiets the soul. Gives peace to the chaos and gives grace to impatient wives like me. My husband always forgives me. I'm amazed by his unconditional love. He's starting to resemble his Creator and oh how grateful I am for this. I've prayed long and hard and drawn many prayer circles around my marriage. God always answers specific prayers. God is so good and I'm so in love with Him.

He's led me beside still waters and restored my soul. He led me to a church and a small group and a core planning group and to new godly women and studies about Him. He's restored my marriage and walked us through many valleys of death. Or so it felt. And He will lead us out of this too. Sick babies and a traveling husband but He's close and He comforts and I will rest in Him. I'm praying protection and healing and safe travels. I'm praising for grace and forgiveness I need both.

It begins and ends with Him. I start my day empty to fill and end my day on my knees praising Him for helping me through another day. Resting in Him so I have the energy to nurture these sick ones.

The sun will come up after the rain tonight and pelicans will fly and waves will crash up on shore and I will soak it all in and give thanks for all of this.

When Easter is over and you're still hurting ( and tomorrow is Monday)

The service was amazing and the beautiful plastic eggs have all been found and you're not feeling anything but ugly inside. There's such an excitement and fun tradition in dying eggs and making baskets and talking about the cross and His death. The tomb is empty and so are you. Maybe it's finances and you've been able to forget for just today. Maybe it's your marriage or depression or illness. How can we stay grateful for His sacrifice? A friend has just started Chemo and she's young 30 something. Her son is young too. Why does this world take mothers from their children. Why do fathers who taught you everything have to start forgetting everything. And why do marriages end and first wives are left suffering. Of friends, Jesus came and lived here through all of this. He suffered and died and stays with us today. He is walking through all you're walking through and He's never going to leave you.

The enemy came to steal and kill and destroy and Jesus came so that we may have life. Abundant life.

So I pray this week as you trudge dear friend, know that there are more broken people than put together ones. Jesus came for the broken and you don't have to clean up to meet Him. He meets you where you are.

This life feels unfair. It is. Women who stick with husbands through the hard only to have him turn to another. And she has it hard and she trudged thru the hard financial times of young marriage and now he's has it all without her. Jesus knows and He weeps with you. God bottles your tears. Please cry out to the one Who loves you and is your bridegroom forever. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.

Tomorrows a new day. He lives so you can face it. Because He lives!!!

Girls with swords. Choose to be .....

I've felt like I've had a target on my back for a while now. And in my opinion it wasn't a good thing. I had it all wrong and I blamed the wrong source. I blamed God. The Lover of my soul. My Creator. My Beloved. It's not that way today. I'm a target but its because I'm a threat to the enemy, the father of lies. It all makes sense now and I've allowed satan to have some victories in my life. He succeeded in getting me off course. Sometimes I still allow him to get me off course. Like when I'm ungrateful for what God gives or the life He's provided. I'm not useful that way. I'm exactly where the enemy wants me. But what if I choose to be a hero? A victor in this battle for my life? After all The Bible says there's a battle for my life but the battle is not mine. It's Gods! I'm His creation. He loved me before He created the world. I'm a royal daughter of the King.

As a woman in this world I will be and have been attacked from every angle. My marriage. My children. Our finances. Oh how we have struggled and I've handled it so wrong. Instead of claiming what's mine, standing in agreement with my God I allowed myself to doubt. To be defeated. I sunk into a hole or pit and became of no use. Never again. I will always have my sword ready. I will see these attacks for what they are. Not on my past but on my future. To mess me up. But His word arms me with all I need. And I will never be alone. My Prince of Heaven will always love me and stand with me. I'm not settling for normal. I'm a Christian made for great things. So I'm resting in Him and staying armed. Helmet head and all.

The choice is black and white. No grey area. You either jump in to His army or the enemy will get a toehold. And he won't stop until he's really messed your life up. Tomorrow I will talk more about this battle and dig into some CS Lewis. Until them sharpen up your swords and stay alert. I'm praying for you all!
In Him
Kim