When you're in the waiting

What do you do when you feel like you're living in the waiting room of your life? You've lived once before and now you e been stuck. For years. And it seems like your name will never be called. You're watching everyone else move forward. New houses. New cars. New vacations. New clothes. And for you? Same. Seems the choice is to either drown in self pity or choose to stay the course knowing God is good and He's written this story for you. Just enjoy the beauty He's set before you. The sunrise and the sunsets. The oceans and rivers and lakes. The birds that sing a song for you each morning. Even the awesome thunderstorms that stop us in our tracks. The sounds of rain and waterfalls. It's all for you. He loves you that much. And doesn't He deserve praise before petitions? Praise always precedes the miracle.
So as you wait for whatever it is, praise Him for what He will do and make today about Him. Friends He is enough. He is all we need. We need to become like children again and praise Him just because He loves us. Not because of what He may do for us for He's already done the ultimate. Made the greatest sacrifice. Jesus died that we will live. So that's what we do when we think we aren't living. We live for Him. And we watch a sunrise and sunset and chase the moon. And wish on His stars.

When you're hard on yourself

Why do we as women say such harsh things to ourselves? Us made in His image. When we criticize ourselves we criticize the Maker , the Creator. After all, we are His masterpiece. " you will NEVER get it right! You ALWAYS mess things up. We are ALWAYS late and it's ALWAYS my fault. Why can't I be like ____ and have a perfect home with more than enough ____ and where is the joy?" In Him I am new and He extends grace and I must receive it. The cross is where all my shortcomings are nailed to. When the nails pierced His perfect hands all my imperfections were left there. I must leave them there and say thank You to my Savior.
It's raining and windy here today. My favorite kind of day. Gray. Like my emotions and feelings and it matches outside. The ocean is loud and I hear it. Life's problems can be like that- loud, drowning out the joy. When I take my eyes off the Prize and focus on possessions or lack of in my case, I lose perspective and priorities mix and I'm heavy and a mess.

I stop hard and pray and seek. I read His words of Hope and how His timing is perfect and how if Sarah had just waited on Him for her son then the Hagar issue would've been avoided. It's just a priority problem and its all in the way I see. If I put on my Spirit filled vision I see all things different. When I start wanting more of this world , I'm left empty. He wants me to only desire Him so today I look to Him. Need only Him. Seek only Him and all will fall into place. The Kingdom is the ultimate prize and dwelling there forever with my Savior redeemed and changed and remembering nothing of this earth. Behold He's making ALL THINGS NEW!!!

I wake up to Joyce Meyer on the tv and a cloud over the day. What is wrong with me? Why can't I get it right? Why do I let the enemy talk lies in my head and I believe him? Could be the dishes in the sink or the mounds of unfinished laundry or that I wake the kids up too late to pray with them before school; I just just plain don't have it together. The electric bill barely got pd and it was two months worth. There's a couple of dollars left in my wallet that has to last for a week and my medicine alone costs 11$ a day. How can I face a day like this and just remember to breathe. I practice giving thanks for this messiness and I praise Him to show I trust Him and I count blessings or I would crawl in a hole or not come out. For we serve a good God and all He gives is good. Lam 3;21 is my hope for today and tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning. And I want to enjoy these moments. The thing about moments is they fly by whether you waste them or embrace them. I will never have this day again. My children will not always be under my roof. I want to have the abundant joy filled life and whatever it takes I'm willing to do. Simply seek Him with all my heart and I will find Him. I will give Him my all and He is enough to satisfy. He won't leave us or forsake us and His plan is to prosper us and give us His riches. I surrender all and it is well are my songs today and I get to dwell in His house forever. Amen.

Grace for today, hope for tomorrow

So today was supposed to be a start over day. Today I was going to get up earlier, pray longer, be more honest, forgive myself, make important phone calls, rededicated myself to all these jobs I have half way done, memorize more scripture and the list goes on. ......,

So to be honest? I was lazy in my mind. I let stresses of this world paralyze me and keep me from being productive. God doesn't expect from me all that I expect from myself. I'm really praying and listening to what is expected. And for now I know I'm supposed to seek Him first and put my agenda last. Die to self and dive into His word so that I will always know what He expects. To replace my desires with His. And to practice gratitude in these uncertain times. Times that I just know I could write my story much better. That I speak ugly words about and to myself about myself like " why can't you ever just clean up this clutter? Or why can't I just be a better mother ?" Or a better homeschooler? More supportive wife? " and the list goes on. But it's my list, not Gods... He wants me to do one thing well... Seek Him with all my heart and soul and all things will fall into place as I fall into Him.

Isn't that all He wants? Trust in trials. Trust His sovereignty in situations and know that a good God only gives good.

Tonight I will thank Him for His unconditional love for me and praise Him for the " not yet " answers. He's preparing something big I know. Joy comes in the morning. And after the mourning. And peace like a river floods. He makes all things new.

New Year. New Word

It's been way too long since I've posted anything and I'm convicted. God has been whispering to me to continue telling my story. Of how I'm not perfect and how much of a mess I am and how He can use my mess for His ministry. There was so much I failed at. So many things I didn't do. Like lose the weight, get healthy , school better, family devotions every night. It's not about that though. Grace.

And this year 2013 I'm committed to place my life IN HIM. IN being the key word. Trust IN HIM. Ann Voskamp over at Aholyexperience.com has a new word every year. So I copied her and I'm also committed to learning scripture. For reading what He has written for me will help me become more like Him and draw me to Him. And if I carry Him with me everywhere by always having His words in my heart and mind then I'm always leaning INto Him. What a friend I have in Jesus. Right? Also I'm blogging for a ministry. Here's a link if you want to read it. http://girlfriendscoffeehour.com/2013/01/04/gch_vh-lifes-healing-choices-gear-up/

Here's to a new year. Of thanking Him for a thousand things that he's done and given me. Not looking back with regret but moving forward with renewed hope and faith. And new chances with my children and husband.
His mercies are new every morning.
And the moon is gorgeous tonight.

Sunday

Sausage in the skillet. Little bit singing Rudolph. I want to freeze her. No one else songs these anymore. My 12 year old wants to believe but he's really not. And he's not interested in the elf anymore. They grow up so fast. In a way it's easier when they know its you. The economy the way it is makes Santa really scarce. I miss the hiding of the presents. They know there aren't any. But in light of what happens in Connecticut I'm blessed to have what I have. A Sunday with all my babies and many more to come. Lord be within the hearts of those who lost so much. Comfort the little ones who saw too much. This is all too much. We ask where is God. He's here. He's in our hearts. We need to replace our hearts with His.

It's Sunday. His day. And grace falls like rain.

Tis the Season

I cannot believe I said it. My words like venom spewed. " it's the ugliest tree I've ever seen". And just like that we all came undone. Doors slammed and the tree went back in the box. The box that my husband and 8 year old daughter had just unloaded. She had picked out the star for the top and she was beaming. Until I ..... Well. You know.
It really wasn't just about the tree. It was about so much more. I should be grateful. Praising God for what He just did. And had done. He found the perfect job for my
Husband. He starts immediately. It's what we've yearned for. A job with a future. But what about now? If it was September it would be different. I'm just being honest. But it's Christmas. And we have no money for gifts and yes we have everything else we need but one still believes in Santa and thinks there will be a specific doll under the tree for her. That tree I took back.
So how do I make up for this? How do I change this for us? I can't do anything about the circumstances but I can change me or better yet let Him change me. Make Christmas about Him. Give gifts to Him. Start a new one. It'll sting at first but change hurts. And we will thank Him for everything. Gratitude turns to grace and joy fills us here.
Of course I said I was sorry and we laughed at the day we had and we started over. His mercies are new everyday. And I thank Him and name blessings for days to come. Joy to the world, The Lord has come. Right? Tis the Season to be thankful for All He Has Done.
Blessings
Kim