The Power of Touch (#livefree Thursday )

It was cold outside and I had to stop for gas. Questions running in my mind....am I dressed okay ? No money means no cute clothes and would these women be in yoga pants like me or Miss Me jeans? And how much should I let them know, do I let them see me?

Immediately I am relieved. The pastor's wife was not only beautiful outside, but inside was even more so. She laughed about a popcorn bowl that their youth had made them before they had made the hard journey to planting this church and she didn't speak all King Jamesey. She was real and I loved her.

We watched the video and talked about the book we were reading at the time, I had downloaded on my kindle, so excited about finally connecting with Jesus and Jesus following women, and then we sat in a circle. We held hands and prayed and lifted each one of our requests up to God. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world. Financially we were barely hanging on and I was so tired of the same request not being answered the way I wanted it to. I was so worn out and I felt like I was doing this alone, even in a group of sweet women. She sensed it in her spirit and she comes over and sits right behind me. She puts her hand on my back and begins praying over me and all stress and anxiety begins to fall away, like the tears that were running down my face. She touched my head and shoulders and spoke God's word over me. I have never been the same...

See, I believe that God can touch us through someone else. And a hug or a physical touch can make the strongest walls crumble and someone broken can become whole again when God puts us back together, His way. Stephanie did this for me. Her sweet way that she puts her arms around those women that she leads changes hearts and lives and she encourages other women to do the same...and soon, there are no more walls...just hearts coming together before God. It is beautiful...

And then there's His touch. (I grew up in a wonderful church. And one of my favorite songs was "He touched me". I'm singing it now as I write this.) There was a time in my life that I felt like I would be a failure forever. I had tried so many times to stop the addiction to these pills that numbed the pain and though I knew they were ruining my life and the lives of all those around me I could t stop. the pai was so great. Physically and mentally. Then one Sunday I hit my knees and I felt His hand pulling me up and His voice saying ..."just surrender and I will heal you". And I did. It's been 8 years now and my marriage and my children and my life has been redeemed and restored. I love my life today and I too love to help those still struggling.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the dress code from my group that day? Anything goes! But more often than not, you're going to walk into a whole lot of 'Momentum'shirts, and I love my Church shirts...and a whole lot of love and acceptance...and the sweetest touch from the sweetest woman.

(Stephanie Payne is the wife of Tim Payne, Pastor of Momentum Church, Gulf Breeze, fl and Navarre, Fl. She is a mom of 3 and a mentor to hundreds and a woman of God who loves pouring into women and making sure they know that God loves them.)

When You Have to Embrace Change

So the only constant is God. He never changes and this gives me peace. But everything else? Well, I don't have to tell you, that time flies and that child that you encouraged to take their first steps has been walking towards their future and you can't stop it, no matter how bad you want to. Isn't what we raise them to do? Haven;t we been on our knees, praying for this precious one that God has entrusted to us that they will grow spiritually and be prepared for whatever life brings? And now life brings graduation. It seems like yesterday that she wouldn't let go of my hand at the kindergarden tea and really preferred to have friends over instead of going away. And even in high school, she wasn't really a camp person, because she couldn't bring me with her. And the feeling is mutual, she is my heart. and I wish her the best!

I have never been good with change. I cried every promotion Sunday because I didm;t want a new teacher. (embarrassed my mom so much she made dad take me) And now, I'm packing up not one but two of my babies in August and moving them to the beginning of a new chapter! I have done my job and now it's their turn. With the love of Jesus in their hearts and the relationship they both have with Him, the sky is the limit and I can rest easy knowing they are in good Hands. But I will miss them being in mine.

So, thank You Jesus, for giving them to me to raise. For letting me be the one that fixed their breakfast and read stories to them at nap time, for the memories of the lazy days we spent together and watching them taste honeysuckle. Thank You for their little hands that loved to finger paint and make barbie houses out of cardboard, that made bean bags with socks and rocks and held mine so tightly when they needed security. You allowed me to be home with them and raise them to love You and to be there when they took their first steps and all the ones after. You gave me the wisdom  and the words to say when no words would really help, those hard adolescent years when feeling were hurt and they questioned who they were. And when the world told them they were less than, You told them they were worthy. So now, as they step into the next chapter of their lives, when I won't be there physically, I have peace knowing that You are everywhere and they can never go too far away from You, and if they start to stray, You will always gently bring them back. Help them remember what they've learned and to keep You first always and the rest will fall into place. And last, but not least, help me to let go and to trust that You have this. In Your precious name I pray, amen.

stomach flu, dirty laundry and desiring more of Him

This week has really been a mess and the dirty sheets and towels and cleaning up after children, sick ones has been my life. Sweet hubby came home after a two week trip and shared more than his wonderful looks and awesome personality, yes, the dreaded stomach virus. We all went to IHOP, ate like there was no tomorrow, (uh oh 24 day challenge) and in the night it hit him, and i wanted to. No, really, I wanted to. He said it was food poisoning, I knew better...Ever heard of "Reap what you sow"? Well, I ate some crow.

I'm making a confession, I am a terrible nurse, when it comes to a sick husband. I'm great with kids, but I've always had this resentment that he gets to go to bed when sick and I have to do the same thing i always do. So i grumbled and such, and fast forward to Monday morning and I'm no longer able to function. Thankfully I have a husband that is truly full of grace, or at least he is now. He is truly amazing and He took really good care of me and the house. then my son got it and last but not least, the baby of the family, although she is 9, she's the baby. She is still sick, 4 days and counting. So now, I ask forgiveness from God and start over and make sure I take my "in sickness and in health vow "again. Aren't we so blessed that God is a God of do-overs? I know I am.

See, lately, I've been out of sorts, with my quiet time, I mean. And when this happens, I go back to what works, or what really gets me back in the routine. An online Bible Study. I'm reading "Living So That" and it's totally based on scripture. Really diving into God's word, which is the food we need to live in this messy, yucky world, it's His guide to survival, actually to really living the full life He created us for. it's just week one and our first conference call is tonight! I'm so excited! I did one of these for the first time about 3 years ago. My husband had lost his job, we were staring at each other every day and resentment on both sides was building up. But God sent me wonderful sisters, virtual sisters to build me back up and get me walking again and smiling again. Isn't God just like that? First He sent me Jen, from "Finding Heaven". If you haven't read her blog, you must immediately. She has a heart for Jesus like I've never seen. She has had life deal her some yuck, but God has redeemed and restored and she is now writing a book. In fact, her button is at the bottom of my blog, sol de gloria!

Next, He sent me a link to Proverbs 31 ministries, online Bible Study, Wendy Blight was the author. I can't remember the right name for the book but I think it's "Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner". This book taught me how to pray God's word back to Him, to choose a topic that I needed help on, maybe a fruit of the Spirit like patience . Then look up in the reference for verses on patience and put them in prayer form. Changed my life!!! She encouraged me to step out and try new things, and really changed my prayer life. I encourage you to read it, as soon as possible. God may begin to ask you to do things out of your comfort zone but He will equip you to do the task. I know...

Fast forward to another hard time and I picked up the book 1000 gifts and I've never been the same!! I have since read it 5 times, listened to it at least 15 times and have dome 3 book studies on it. Every time I read it, I hear something i missed or maybe I didn't really need it at the time I read it last. Ann Voskamp has an amazing blog too, an amazing writer and Jesus follower, it's called "A Holy Experience". so now, you have a few ideas. And last is Girlfriends Coffee Hour. I got invited on Facebook and accepted. I had no idea that I would become a blogger and writer, all because of a lady that believed in me. She and a few others prayed over my family and broke the chains of spiritual warfare and prayed my husband a job that would finally get us on our feet. I still blog for them, so look them up. And most of all, keep His word close. For weeks like this one, when I couldn't do this on my strength alone, He guides my steps, He gives me courage and joy when I don't think it's possible. My God is the God of Impossible. What is your impossible today? Are you ready to believe He can and will do it for you? Whats stopping you from handing it over? Praying for you today that you can leave it all at His feet, and let Him fill you with all He has to give!

blessings!!!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today should be a national holiday, I joked with my mom this morning. Although my sister and I might really think so. You see, it's my daddy's birthday. He not only gave me life but he gave me a second chance for a new life. Eternal life. Born again at 8 at a Billy Graham crusade. He took me to church on Sundays. Wednesday and most of all he lived what he told me. He provided for us. I needed nothing. I wanted for nothing. He loved us. Deeply. I could see it on his face when I walked in a room. He's proud of us. And now that I'm a mom I have a whole new appreciation for him. As an adult I put them through storms. I struggled with addiction and so did they with me. He had patience. He never brings up the past. He's given me grace. Forgiveness. Unconditional love. He now gets to do the same for my kids. The legacy continues. They too know his Jesus. They too will live in eternity with Jesus. So today I celebrate this precious man. The awesome memories and the love and lessons I've learned. Here's to more. And here's to always being together. To infinity and beyond!!

When you're questioning everything

I do question why we are allowed to suffer. And I do wonder if Christians should have the abundant life. Until He explained that maybe the abundant life is knowing we are saved. That we are going to Heaven and that He will always be with us and never leave us. 

As I watched the Hiding Place today, and watched Corrie ten Boom still love Jesus in the midst of a concentration camp, I'm forced to look around me. I have a really beautiful life. She lost her father and sister and all she knew. All she had was a Bible and He was enough. I loved what Betsy said , " there's never a pit too deep that His love isn't deeper still". I've been in self made pits and I've been thrown in some and a pit is a pit. The only way out is to praise Him step by step, blessing upon blessing, starting with the first breath you take in the morning. 

It's easy to get caught up in the things we don't have and look around and see what others do have. It's saying that God doesn't know best and we are better at running our own lives than God. We aren't. Are we? Another quote is trusting an unknown future to a known God. Don't you just love how He's given us so many heroes, examples, people who have been through more than we could imagine and they more than conquer. And they've been and still are inspirations to us. We know we WILL MAKE IT. The seasons always change and suddenly God works a miracle. 

So I count blessings and all the ways He loves and I can't help but smile. I really am blessed  and outside the sun is coming up and the waves are slow and steady....

If you feel led to help me or someone else go on this amazing leadership conference let me know in the comment section. 

Catalyst

I'm trying to raise money to go on a leadership conference in Atlanta Georgia in October. I need to pay by sept 18th and I'm believing Him for a miracle and His favor. If you feel led to help please leave a comment. I know God has big things planned for me. He's given me a heart for women's ministry and letting them know how much they're loved and how beautiful they are. Society says one thing. God says another. God bless you and keep praying. Claiming His provision. In His name. 

When you really need to trust God and 21st birthdays

Tomorrow is my oldest daughters 21st birthday. Where did the time go? Yesterday we were playing dollhouse and making Barbie houses. Watching Father of the Bride part 2 and Cinderella. I'm tying your bow for the 50th time to make it even. And wearing your daddy's shoes I'm the prince and you're the princess. 

Fast forward. You're still my princess. You're a gift from God almighty. Everyday I'm reminded of His goodness just looking at you. No one tells you that labor pains continue even after the birth day. They continue when their hearts are broken. When they are rejected. When someone tells them they're not all you've told them they are. Oh how we hit our knees and pray constantly for God to protect them. And hold their hearts close. I've done things different from the norm. I've said more yes than no. When most were going to college, I said yes you can follow Him to ministry school. When God says no, stay where you are and watch me work, together we said YES. and how you sing so beautifully as you lead His people in worship on Sundays. How did we live through all that we have? Losing your childhood home? Moving from all you've known and held close? Watched me battle demons? Seen poverty up close? Because HE LIVES. ..... Because we trust Him with all we are and all we have. Since the day you were born you've been His and I'm so grateful to have God to guide and direct. Where would we be without Him? We will never have to know!!

Happy Birthday Baby. You are my world. I love you. 

P.S.  I'm trying to raise money to go on a ministry retreat with my church. If you feel led to help financially please let me know. Thank you for reading. I am praying for you all.