I believe, help my unbelief

He walks in the door with his black duffle. The one that has been on so many journeys with us as the rest of our suitcases are still in a storage unit in Mississippi. ( a story for another blog post). Little ones delighted to see him. Arms wrapped tight around his neck. They only know their daddy is home from his work trip. Me? I know what this means. It means the job we thought was going to save us is over less than a week it lasted and I question my Creator. Why would He give us this and take it away? Why would He allow our hopes and dreams of financial comfort and dreams of sending a daughter to ministry school and dreams of a full pantry and dreams of haircuts and full tanks of gas and just plain living , just vanish in an instant. I trusted Him to finally get us out of this waiting room of job hunting. It's been so hard. Yet I've seen His hand providing for us when I couldn't see a way. Somehow the lights stayed on, somehow we have running water and a roof over our heads and it's nothing short of a miracle. To God be the glory great things He has done. I know trials definitely increase endurance and strength and perseverance and I am so grateful He loves me enough to test me. During the hard, I turn to Him. Always turning toward Him. I do have moments and sometimes days that I waste , not enjoying all He has given me. Beautiful children. A husband of 22 years. A family that loves me. And I forget the goal and isn't eternity with Him enough? It was for Paul and Silas in their prison. And it is for me in mine. In the waiting I will look for and count a thousand ways God loves me and I will whisper throughout my days the all is well and it is. Gods promises give me such hope and as I get to know Him more and allow Him to flow through every area of my life I will SEE that He had a reason for all of this. I'm so grateful for the lessons learned. That I'm not that person I used to be and that I cannot please both the world and God. I choose Him. If this is it for me it is enough because HE is enough.