When you're questioning everything

I do question why we are allowed to suffer. And I do wonder if Christians should have the abundant life. Until He explained that maybe the abundant life is knowing we are saved. That we are going to Heaven and that He will always be with us and never leave us. 

As I watched the Hiding Place today, and watched Corrie ten Boom still love Jesus in the midst of a concentration camp, I'm forced to look around me. I have a really beautiful life. She lost her father and sister and all she knew. All she had was a Bible and He was enough. I loved what Betsy said , " there's never a pit too deep that His love isn't deeper still". I've been in self made pits and I've been thrown in some and a pit is a pit. The only way out is to praise Him step by step, blessing upon blessing, starting with the first breath you take in the morning. 

It's easy to get caught up in the things we don't have and look around and see what others do have. It's saying that God doesn't know best and we are better at running our own lives than God. We aren't. Are we? Another quote is trusting an unknown future to a known God. Don't you just love how He's given us so many heroes, examples, people who have been through more than we could imagine and they more than conquer. And they've been and still are inspirations to us. We know we WILL MAKE IT. The seasons always change and suddenly God works a miracle. 

So I count blessings and all the ways He loves and I can't help but smile. I really am blessed  and outside the sun is coming up and the waves are slow and steady....

If you feel led to help me or someone else go on this amazing leadership conference let me know in the comment section. 

Catalyst

I'm trying to raise money to go on a leadership conference in Atlanta Georgia in October. I need to pay by sept 18th and I'm believing Him for a miracle and His favor. If you feel led to help please leave a comment. I know God has big things planned for me. He's given me a heart for women's ministry and letting them know how much they're loved and how beautiful they are. Society says one thing. God says another. God bless you and keep praying. Claiming His provision. In His name. 

When you really need to trust God and 21st birthdays

Tomorrow is my oldest daughters 21st birthday. Where did the time go? Yesterday we were playing dollhouse and making Barbie houses. Watching Father of the Bride part 2 and Cinderella. I'm tying your bow for the 50th time to make it even. And wearing your daddy's shoes I'm the prince and you're the princess. 

Fast forward. You're still my princess. You're a gift from God almighty. Everyday I'm reminded of His goodness just looking at you. No one tells you that labor pains continue even after the birth day. They continue when their hearts are broken. When they are rejected. When someone tells them they're not all you've told them they are. Oh how we hit our knees and pray constantly for God to protect them. And hold their hearts close. I've done things different from the norm. I've said more yes than no. When most were going to college, I said yes you can follow Him to ministry school. When God says no, stay where you are and watch me work, together we said YES. and how you sing so beautifully as you lead His people in worship on Sundays. How did we live through all that we have? Losing your childhood home? Moving from all you've known and held close? Watched me battle demons? Seen poverty up close? Because HE LIVES. ..... Because we trust Him with all we are and all we have. Since the day you were born you've been His and I'm so grateful to have God to guide and direct. Where would we be without Him? We will never have to know!!

Happy Birthday Baby. You are my world. I love you. 

P.S.  I'm trying to raise money to go on a ministry retreat with my church. If you feel led to help financially please let me know. Thank you for reading. I am praying for you all. 

Resting In Him

About Benjamin he said: “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
—Deuteronomy 33:12

Today I have every reason to be stressed. To doubt my future and wonder how I will be feeding them this week. But instead I cling to Him. God of the impossible. I pray and trust and claim blessings. And know that I'm taken care of. God, You are Master of the universe. All resources belong to You and You choose how to give them. Bills are due. Yet you will deliver. 

I have so much to be grateful for. Beautiful life full of joy because you have freed me. My purpose is to glorify you. To love you. 

How awesome is it that you carry us and shield us. That we get to rest in you. On You. Oh God. My love for You is endless. My adoration for you is abounding. Why do I ever doubt and why does my faith falter? I get caught up in the "that must be nice" instead of "not our time yet". Yet. He promised that seasons do not last forever. Just as the cool fall breeze gives relief from the summer heat, so You give relief and take us to another more fruitful and abundant season. 

My desire is to desire You over all. To not start my day until I speak to You. To dig into Your word and to be empty of mr only to be filled with You. As I poured out the old wilted flowers and put fresh ones in the vase, I had to empty the yuck brown water and replace it with fresh pure water. So we must empty to fill. 

And I'm filled and I'm overflowing. And the seagulls are flying over and salty sea air blowing in the new. 

18 wake up days and grace

My youngest, km, calls school mornings "wake up days". And we are counting them down. See, my happy little morning sunshine has changed her tune in the mornings and its not so sunshiney if you know what I mean. She loved school last year as it was her first year to not homeschool. And her teacher worshipped her. The center of her world. But not this year and she's not happy.
Aren't we all like that sometimes? We get a little out of sorts when we feel overlooked. Not special. Just another person? But we are so much more than that in the eyes of our Father and He gives us grace beyond measure and its unending. Just like we do our own children except He forgives and forgets. Oh what a blessing. We actually are the ones that overlook Him. Take delight in the world sometimes and forget our purpose. To live a one piece life that represents Him and points to Him. Oh how we forget whats important. My pastor once asked a question. About how when we go on vacation and stay in either a hotel or condo, do you go buy new paint? New bedding? New sofas? None of the above. And why not? Because you're just passing through. Same as here. On this earth. Don't invest in things earthly. Invest only in eternity for this is temporary and He's given us so much beauty to enjoy while we are here. Sun rises and sunsets and oceans and rivers and lakes. Flowers that smell, birds that sing and rain that quenches the green grass that cushions our steps in summer. He could have just plopped us into nothingness but He didn't.
This grace He freely gives we take for granted. Try living a day without it. As we speak He's already set the moon into place while the sun is setting. And I hear the ocean. And I am grateful.

James Bond and Bonding

Oh little boys. I'm all he wanted when he was small. My voice was the only comfort that quieted and my arms were safe. When did your hands begin to look like your dads and when did you begin to shut me out? I am learning that mamas and little boys relationships so precious so rare so different and changes like the river and I'm feeling my way through. I used to know him like the back of my hand. I spend so much time with him and homeschooling and we laugh and bond. Over our same liking of James Bond. Oh how I love you my only boy. Your laugh and your hugs. Your talking. And talking. During tv shows and movies. I love your voice. And your laugh and your heart. It's so huge. Full of love for all. I'm praying you through this growing time. It's hard I know. Figuring out who you are. Why life's unfair. Why we moved you from all the people you know and love. And here to a place where you know no one. As a family we have never been closer. But you wouldn't have chosen this. Bubba and Mimi are your loves and you would move back in a heartbeat but God has us here. I love here. It's serenity. It's the beach. It's the ocean. It's the sand. I have found healing and the woman I really am. A closeness with my God so I can be the mom you need. One that will lead you by His Spirit of truth. I will speak life words to you and I will remind you always of your Creator and Savior Who love you so much and want a closeness with you. Be God fearing a seeking always. For now I will place all of you in His capable hands trusting Him to help me raise you to be the best you.

So today I'm just sitting next to you. Loving being your mom. Yes this is uncharted waters for me as the rest are girls. But His word is my guide and I'm loving this adventure. You may not be Buzz Lightyear anymore. I may not be April from the ninja turtles but we will always be each others. And I love you so much.

Moment of silence

Where is God when things explode and people lose much? And children die and this is not fair. He's exactly where He was when His Son hung on the cross and died for us. I know He shed tears today and this isn't His will. But He can make good and help us through. Being close to us in darkness and shining brightest in it. Lord we sin and make messes and You forgive and give grace.

Please let these people feel your presence. Please wrap Your arms tightly around them. Let Boston SEE YOU. let them feel You. Let those who love you be there for those hurting and may we never stop praying and praising You.

A moment of silence for the deceased and a quiet praise for those who are with You tonight. I love You. Tears tonight bring joy in the morning.

And the stars are bright here. And the wind blows and I'm holding my babies tighter tonight.

Tired yet grateful

Instead of beach towels and sunscreen I've traded them for Advil and children's triaminic. Yes they've all been under the weather and I'm the caretaker. When fevers are high patience runs low and grace is needed and plenty. It's hard to admit it. That sometimes nurturing doesn't come natural. Or that we are nurtured out and we want some too. I resented him bringing home this illness. And I resented him feeling under the weather. I'm selfish like that. I always regret it. I long to be all to all. The true proverbs 31 woman.

I hear coughing from the back She's not quite well yet. So I give her medicine to quiet the hacking. What we all need is true medicine from the Great Physician. His word heals all. Quiets the soul. Gives peace to the chaos and gives grace to impatient wives like me. My husband always forgives me. I'm amazed by his unconditional love. He's starting to resemble his Creator and oh how grateful I am for this. I've prayed long and hard and drawn many prayer circles around my marriage. God always answers specific prayers. God is so good and I'm so in love with Him.

He's led me beside still waters and restored my soul. He led me to a church and a small group and a core planning group and to new godly women and studies about Him. He's restored my marriage and walked us through many valleys of death. Or so it felt. And He will lead us out of this too. Sick babies and a traveling husband but He's close and He comforts and I will rest in Him. I'm praying protection and healing and safe travels. I'm praising for grace and forgiveness I need both.

It begins and ends with Him. I start my day empty to fill and end my day on my knees praising Him for helping me through another day. Resting in Him so I have the energy to nurture these sick ones.

The sun will come up after the rain tonight and pelicans will fly and waves will crash up on shore and I will soak it all in and give thanks for all of this.

When Easter is over and you're still hurting ( and tomorrow is Monday)

The service was amazing and the beautiful plastic eggs have all been found and you're not feeling anything but ugly inside. There's such an excitement and fun tradition in dying eggs and making baskets and talking about the cross and His death. The tomb is empty and so are you. Maybe it's finances and you've been able to forget for just today. Maybe it's your marriage or depression or illness. How can we stay grateful for His sacrifice? A friend has just started Chemo and she's young 30 something. Her son is young too. Why does this world take mothers from their children. Why do fathers who taught you everything have to start forgetting everything. And why do marriages end and first wives are left suffering. Of friends, Jesus came and lived here through all of this. He suffered and died and stays with us today. He is walking through all you're walking through and He's never going to leave you.

The enemy came to steal and kill and destroy and Jesus came so that we may have life. Abundant life.

So I pray this week as you trudge dear friend, know that there are more broken people than put together ones. Jesus came for the broken and you don't have to clean up to meet Him. He meets you where you are.

This life feels unfair. It is. Women who stick with husbands through the hard only to have him turn to another. And she has it hard and she trudged thru the hard financial times of young marriage and now he's has it all without her. Jesus knows and He weeps with you. God bottles your tears. Please cry out to the one Who loves you and is your bridegroom forever. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.

Tomorrows a new day. He lives so you can face it. Because He lives!!!

Girls with swords. Choose to be .....

I've felt like I've had a target on my back for a while now. And in my opinion it wasn't a good thing. I had it all wrong and I blamed the wrong source. I blamed God. The Lover of my soul. My Creator. My Beloved. It's not that way today. I'm a target but its because I'm a threat to the enemy, the father of lies. It all makes sense now and I've allowed satan to have some victories in my life. He succeeded in getting me off course. Sometimes I still allow him to get me off course. Like when I'm ungrateful for what God gives or the life He's provided. I'm not useful that way. I'm exactly where the enemy wants me. But what if I choose to be a hero? A victor in this battle for my life? After all The Bible says there's a battle for my life but the battle is not mine. It's Gods! I'm His creation. He loved me before He created the world. I'm a royal daughter of the King.

As a woman in this world I will be and have been attacked from every angle. My marriage. My children. Our finances. Oh how we have struggled and I've handled it so wrong. Instead of claiming what's mine, standing in agreement with my God I allowed myself to doubt. To be defeated. I sunk into a hole or pit and became of no use. Never again. I will always have my sword ready. I will see these attacks for what they are. Not on my past but on my future. To mess me up. But His word arms me with all I need. And I will never be alone. My Prince of Heaven will always love me and stand with me. I'm not settling for normal. I'm a Christian made for great things. So I'm resting in Him and staying armed. Helmet head and all.

The choice is black and white. No grey area. You either jump in to His army or the enemy will get a toehold. And he won't stop until he's really messed your life up. Tomorrow I will talk more about this battle and dig into some CS Lewis. Until them sharpen up your swords and stay alert. I'm praying for you all!
In Him
Kim

A Letter to My Dad on His Bday!

Dearest daddy,
How do I begin? First, I want to wish you the happiest birthday ever! I enjoyed being home every minute and I so love our outings! The grocery store runs etc. I treasure our time together. I love being your daughter. I've never once doubted your love for me. And it's unconditional and safe. I remember as a child how safe I felt being with you. How I loved doing things with you. How I would choose to stay home and play electronic football with you over spending the night out. And trains, so much fun. Shipley donuts every Saturday and cinnamon rolls on Sunday. Sunday was a day of worship and church and family. I loved watching you in the choir. I was so proud. You radiated the love of Christ to all who knew you. You shared your faith with all who listened. ( and some who didn't ) you wanted all to know your Savior. Your Lord. You love Him so much and you passed that on to us. What a legacy. You influenced so many.

You're proud of me. You inspire me to be the best I can be. I know how much you love me. I see how you smile when I or kelly walk in the room. Your hugs are one if a kind. You provided for us. We wanted for nothing. The vacations and the memories are priceless. I wouldn't trade any of it. I loved when you drove carpool in elementary and when you took me to school at ja. You sang even though you didn't know the words. All my friends wanted a dad like you and you were mine.

Even in my darkest times and yes they were dark, you still supported me. Prayed me through it. It got ugly but you never bring up the past. Only how far I've come. Thank you dad. Thank you for loving me. For praying for me. For laughing with me. For crying with me. For the talks we had for the bedtime prayers and for always cheering me on. I couldn't love you more. Or respect you more. May you have many more birthdays. And thank you for being the greatest grandfather. My children are blessed beyond measure. My son has been influenced by the godliest man I know. He clings to your every word. Kyleemckell just sings your praises. She's so proud of you. She tells all her friends about you. She wishes they could all know you. And Jordan and Tristan were practically raised by you. You were the best babysitter. When mom and I and kelly wanted a day, you picked all of then up and got McDonald or pizza and made those days special. They'll never forget. Neither will I. I wish you lived with me. My goal and prayer is to have you and mom live with me. Don't cry! It will be fun.

Remember you and gage running the dunes? Y'all had to have your water bottles!! And dancing with Jordan and ann Layton. Watching swan princess over and over. Remember my boyfriend problems in elementary school? I talked to you about them too. Oh dad. You're truly a huge blessing in my life. Please stay around for a long time. Take care of my precious mom! Love you so much!

In Him
Kim

When God blows you away!

I've been full of doubt. How can I be when He's with me and promises to always take care of me. Oh ye of little faith. He has mercy and proves Himself. I receive a gift today. Provision to keep the lights on and communications to the outside world. I believed He could. I praised Him ahead of time and thanked Him for taking care of us. Then a peace fell over and I knew He would I just didn't know how. I'm amazed and humbled and in awe. I'm ready to spread the word of His amazing love. I have a story and I'm bursting. I cannot keep this to myself. It's too good right? Our Creator loves us. He sings over us and showers us with grace and mercy. His artwork wakes us and lulls us to sleep. Blessed be the Name of The Lord.

If you're in a place of needing a miracle, claim it and praise Him for it. Ask boldly. We have not because we ask not. May you feel His love and SEE His handiwork s and thank Him for what will be. I'm praying for you dear friend! God bless you.
In Him
Kim

Bible study and more

Have you ever read The Circle Maker? I'm reading it now and loving the prayer challenges in it. I have a new prayer journal for a 21 day prayer fast, I name a few Jerichos and I circle them in prayer, daily, consistently and faithfully. The bolder the better to our Father, anything less is an insult. See, God doesn;t answer vague prayers, and He wants us to know what it is we are praying for. Jesus was on the road one day and two blind men stopped Him and asked Him to have mercy on them. Jesus asked what it is that they needed from Him, and don't you think Jesus already knew? Of course He did. He wanted to make sure they knew what they wanted from Him.

God doesn't answer vague prayers and why you ask? Because He doesn't get the glory. He loves your impossibles. Your "no ways" your dreams. He has so much for us. We just need to ask. Our biggest dreams we bring Him and He receives the greatest glory for His answers. Waiting for answers can be tough and we assume its a no when it's not in our time frame. We don't know what is best for us and we cannot see our future. He sees all and knows how all these things work together for the greater purpose which is to bring all to the Kingdom of Heaven. God always has a plan B. replacing our plan A. So don't give up. Keep circling your dreams. Your prayers. And your Jericho. The walls will come tumbling down and your God will answer. He promises. And can't we trust Him?
If you don't know what you want then be in fervent prayer because you were made for greatness my friend!!
Ask. Pray, circle. Praise.
In Him
Kim

When you're in the waiting

What do you do when you feel like you're living in the waiting room of your life? You've lived once before and now you e been stuck. For years. And it seems like your name will never be called. You're watching everyone else move forward. New houses. New cars. New vacations. New clothes. And for you? Same. Seems the choice is to either drown in self pity or choose to stay the course knowing God is good and He's written this story for you. Just enjoy the beauty He's set before you. The sunrise and the sunsets. The oceans and rivers and lakes. The birds that sing a song for you each morning. Even the awesome thunderstorms that stop us in our tracks. The sounds of rain and waterfalls. It's all for you. He loves you that much. And doesn't He deserve praise before petitions? Praise always precedes the miracle.
So as you wait for whatever it is, praise Him for what He will do and make today about Him. Friends He is enough. He is all we need. We need to become like children again and praise Him just because He loves us. Not because of what He may do for us for He's already done the ultimate. Made the greatest sacrifice. Jesus died that we will live. So that's what we do when we think we aren't living. We live for Him. And we watch a sunrise and sunset and chase the moon. And wish on His stars.

When you're hard on yourself

Why do we as women say such harsh things to ourselves? Us made in His image. When we criticize ourselves we criticize the Maker , the Creator. After all, we are His masterpiece. " you will NEVER get it right! You ALWAYS mess things up. We are ALWAYS late and it's ALWAYS my fault. Why can't I be like ____ and have a perfect home with more than enough ____ and where is the joy?" In Him I am new and He extends grace and I must receive it. The cross is where all my shortcomings are nailed to. When the nails pierced His perfect hands all my imperfections were left there. I must leave them there and say thank You to my Savior.
It's raining and windy here today. My favorite kind of day. Gray. Like my emotions and feelings and it matches outside. The ocean is loud and I hear it. Life's problems can be like that- loud, drowning out the joy. When I take my eyes off the Prize and focus on possessions or lack of in my case, I lose perspective and priorities mix and I'm heavy and a mess.

I stop hard and pray and seek. I read His words of Hope and how His timing is perfect and how if Sarah had just waited on Him for her son then the Hagar issue would've been avoided. It's just a priority problem and its all in the way I see. If I put on my Spirit filled vision I see all things different. When I start wanting more of this world , I'm left empty. He wants me to only desire Him so today I look to Him. Need only Him. Seek only Him and all will fall into place. The Kingdom is the ultimate prize and dwelling there forever with my Savior redeemed and changed and remembering nothing of this earth. Behold He's making ALL THINGS NEW!!!

I wake up to Joyce Meyer on the tv and a cloud over the day. What is wrong with me? Why can't I get it right? Why do I let the enemy talk lies in my head and I believe him? Could be the dishes in the sink or the mounds of unfinished laundry or that I wake the kids up too late to pray with them before school; I just just plain don't have it together. The electric bill barely got pd and it was two months worth. There's a couple of dollars left in my wallet that has to last for a week and my medicine alone costs 11$ a day. How can I face a day like this and just remember to breathe. I practice giving thanks for this messiness and I praise Him to show I trust Him and I count blessings or I would crawl in a hole or not come out. For we serve a good God and all He gives is good. Lam 3;21 is my hope for today and tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning. And I want to enjoy these moments. The thing about moments is they fly by whether you waste them or embrace them. I will never have this day again. My children will not always be under my roof. I want to have the abundant joy filled life and whatever it takes I'm willing to do. Simply seek Him with all my heart and I will find Him. I will give Him my all and He is enough to satisfy. He won't leave us or forsake us and His plan is to prosper us and give us His riches. I surrender all and it is well are my songs today and I get to dwell in His house forever. Amen.

Grace for today, hope for tomorrow

So today was supposed to be a start over day. Today I was going to get up earlier, pray longer, be more honest, forgive myself, make important phone calls, rededicated myself to all these jobs I have half way done, memorize more scripture and the list goes on. ......,

So to be honest? I was lazy in my mind. I let stresses of this world paralyze me and keep me from being productive. God doesn't expect from me all that I expect from myself. I'm really praying and listening to what is expected. And for now I know I'm supposed to seek Him first and put my agenda last. Die to self and dive into His word so that I will always know what He expects. To replace my desires with His. And to practice gratitude in these uncertain times. Times that I just know I could write my story much better. That I speak ugly words about and to myself about myself like " why can't you ever just clean up this clutter? Or why can't I just be a better mother ?" Or a better homeschooler? More supportive wife? " and the list goes on. But it's my list, not Gods... He wants me to do one thing well... Seek Him with all my heart and soul and all things will fall into place as I fall into Him.

Isn't that all He wants? Trust in trials. Trust His sovereignty in situations and know that a good God only gives good.

Tonight I will thank Him for His unconditional love for me and praise Him for the " not yet " answers. He's preparing something big I know. Joy comes in the morning. And after the mourning. And peace like a river floods. He makes all things new.

New Year. New Word

It's been way too long since I've posted anything and I'm convicted. God has been whispering to me to continue telling my story. Of how I'm not perfect and how much of a mess I am and how He can use my mess for His ministry. There was so much I failed at. So many things I didn't do. Like lose the weight, get healthy , school better, family devotions every night. It's not about that though. Grace.

And this year 2013 I'm committed to place my life IN HIM. IN being the key word. Trust IN HIM. Ann Voskamp over at Aholyexperience.com has a new word every year. So I copied her and I'm also committed to learning scripture. For reading what He has written for me will help me become more like Him and draw me to Him. And if I carry Him with me everywhere by always having His words in my heart and mind then I'm always leaning INto Him. What a friend I have in Jesus. Right? Also I'm blogging for a ministry. Here's a link if you want to read it. http://girlfriendscoffeehour.com/2013/01/04/gch_vh-lifes-healing-choices-gear-up/

Here's to a new year. Of thanking Him for a thousand things that he's done and given me. Not looking back with regret but moving forward with renewed hope and faith. And new chances with my children and husband.
His mercies are new every morning.
And the moon is gorgeous tonight.