Sunday

Sausage in the skillet. Little bit singing Rudolph. I want to freeze her. No one else songs these anymore. My 12 year old wants to believe but he's really not. And he's not interested in the elf anymore. They grow up so fast. In a way it's easier when they know its you. The economy the way it is makes Santa really scarce. I miss the hiding of the presents. They know there aren't any. But in light of what happens in Connecticut I'm blessed to have what I have. A Sunday with all my babies and many more to come. Lord be within the hearts of those who lost so much. Comfort the little ones who saw too much. This is all too much. We ask where is God. He's here. He's in our hearts. We need to replace our hearts with His.

It's Sunday. His day. And grace falls like rain.

Tis the Season

I cannot believe I said it. My words like venom spewed. " it's the ugliest tree I've ever seen". And just like that we all came undone. Doors slammed and the tree went back in the box. The box that my husband and 8 year old daughter had just unloaded. She had picked out the star for the top and she was beaming. Until I ..... Well. You know.
It really wasn't just about the tree. It was about so much more. I should be grateful. Praising God for what He just did. And had done. He found the perfect job for my
Husband. He starts immediately. It's what we've yearned for. A job with a future. But what about now? If it was September it would be different. I'm just being honest. But it's Christmas. And we have no money for gifts and yes we have everything else we need but one still believes in Santa and thinks there will be a specific doll under the tree for her. That tree I took back.
So how do I make up for this? How do I change this for us? I can't do anything about the circumstances but I can change me or better yet let Him change me. Make Christmas about Him. Give gifts to Him. Start a new one. It'll sting at first but change hurts. And we will thank Him for everything. Gratitude turns to grace and joy fills us here.
Of course I said I was sorry and we laughed at the day we had and we started over. His mercies are new everyday. And I thank Him and name blessings for days to come. Joy to the world, The Lord has come. Right? Tis the Season to be thankful for All He Has Done.
Blessings
Kim

Thanksgiving

He touched me and made me whole. That's the reason I can say thank you for all this. For struggling to buy food, for little gas money and sibling feuding And for the cross that saved us all.

We trust a good God. And He will make all things work for our good. And He will be glorified. I make wrong decisions and bad choices and knowingly disobey but Grace is mine praise The Lord. And I will give thanks for all this!!

No job ..... Still and computerless

Well, it's been a month almost that Kyle has been home, here, on my couch. That means no paycheck. As a believer, I know that God owns all resources and He doesn't need a paycheck to give them to us. He's been amazing at providing not only physical needs but emotional too. I'm really trying to stay out of the pit of despair. We are really trying to send Jordan to school in January and to do so we need money. So on to the next issue. Computer. We have none. How inconvenient is this in a world that's run by them. And you can figure out that purchasing one isn't an option. So we need prayers today. Prayers for provision and faith and patience and love for one another as we trudge this hard road. But I choose to count gifts along the way so here goes.
# a peaceful morning before school and giggles
# brown lunch bags full
# hope for today because of His promises.
Grace to you
Kim

Counting my gifts Up to one thousand

I'm counting gifts on here now. I've been counting for a year and more but haven't shared so here goes. Some may be hard Eucharisteo and some joyful but they're all gifts. Today. # 200. Ball game with family in our home. #201. God working on finding ways to provide. #202. Sweet toes finding mine this morning on a no school day Saturday. ..... May God bless you and may you experience His grace. Praying for all of you.
Kim

Tell a Friend | One Thousand Gifts

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I believe, help my unbelief

He walks in the door with his black duffle. The one that has been on so many journeys with us as the rest of our suitcases are still in a storage unit in Mississippi. ( a story for another blog post). Little ones delighted to see him. Arms wrapped tight around his neck. They only know their daddy is home from his work trip. Me? I know what this means. It means the job we thought was going to save us is over less than a week it lasted and I question my Creator. Why would He give us this and take it away? Why would He allow our hopes and dreams of financial comfort and dreams of sending a daughter to ministry school and dreams of a full pantry and dreams of haircuts and full tanks of gas and just plain living , just vanish in an instant. I trusted Him to finally get us out of this waiting room of job hunting. It's been so hard. Yet I've seen His hand providing for us when I couldn't see a way. Somehow the lights stayed on, somehow we have running water and a roof over our heads and it's nothing short of a miracle. To God be the glory great things He has done. I know trials definitely increase endurance and strength and perseverance and I am so grateful He loves me enough to test me. During the hard, I turn to Him. Always turning toward Him. I do have moments and sometimes days that I waste , not enjoying all He has given me. Beautiful children. A husband of 22 years. A family that loves me. And I forget the goal and isn't eternity with Him enough? It was for Paul and Silas in their prison. And it is for me in mine. In the waiting I will look for and count a thousand ways God loves me and I will whisper throughout my days the all is well and it is. Gods promises give me such hope and as I get to know Him more and allow Him to flow through every area of my life I will SEE that He had a reason for all of this. I'm so grateful for the lessons learned. That I'm not that person I used to be and that I cannot please both the world and God. I choose Him. If this is it for me it is enough because HE is enough.

Life changes

Crazy how suddenly life changes. Our God works that way. A week ago one phone call changed ours. A year in the waiting and a year of God orchestrating all the details of this journey. We are beyond grateful and praising Him with our whole hearts. We have been trudging in this economy. Putting our faith in Jesus knowing His plan is perfect and if that's true then we are in the place where He wants us. A year ago my husband lost his job. And since that day God has been proving over and over that He is enough. My faith is unshakable. My children's faith is unshakeable. My marriage is rock solid anchored in Jesus. I'm so grateful to have stepped into His blessings and out of the desert for a season. More to come. Love to all and grace is enough.
Kim

A day full of gratitude

If you wonder why my posts are about gratitude lately it's because I feel like if I'm not grateful for all things then I'm playing God choosing what I think is best for my life. I've really been challenged lately to look up to Heaven and trust His Hand is always working my life events for what's best and what will serve His purpose and bring mor to Him. Isn't that what it's about? Bringing people to Jesus. My life has been so much about me. And not so much about taking this cross and following Him. This cross this life. The good. The hard financial crisis and the unknown in the future. Today I have what I need and for today. There's a lot I need to get for my oldest to go to ministry school and I really could use prayer. She's twenty and has no car. She's going to be living in apartment with roommates. I have nothing for this fall except the promise that He will and can move mountains. Do I believe He can and will? Yes.

The desert

And in the desert, there you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Deut. 1:31.

Yes all the way. To me this says that all that's happened in my life the good and the not so good God has been here. The way that my daddy carried me to bed or the way he carried me up the steps of a stadium football game and when he picked me up as he walked through the door home from work. I remember how excited dad was when I wanted to be with him and spend time with him as we had many special times. Dinners that we couldn't afford to go he would take me on a date. In elementary school he would take me to lunch at the place of my choice and we would go get me some white boots that zipped up the back. I felt so special.

God who loves me even more than my daddy probably feels the same way when I spend time with Him one on one time. Just He and I. Its amazing that the creator of all this wants me. To spend time with me and sing and dance over me. To see past the flaws because he sees me as forgiven. So today I recommit to Him. My all.

Gratitude

I'm right in the middle of finishing my letter to my mom and I will finish it but I really feel led to talk about being grateful. Because lately I haven't been. I've not liked my life lately. It's not what I would've picked but that's the beauty of being His child I don't have to pick my life. I'm letting Him take the wheel ! I am human and I have been a complainer lately. It all has to do with worldly possessions and money. I find myself saying no God you don't know what's best for us. I over analyze what I'm doing wrong. Am I being punished am I not righteous enough. Of course I'm not righteous enough. Of course I'm doing things wrong. I'm a sinner. But I've been forgiven. Redeemed. Lived by the King. He's my groom. He dances and sings over me. He pulls me out of the pit of despair. He can take my yuck and make it beautiful. So take all my thoughts captive. Replace them with your truth. May You be my first thought and last thought of the day and May I sing for joy just because I'm yours!

Dear mom. (part two)

You were the wife of a insurance salesman. A commission only kind of business and remember the paycheck that was 8$? But your God was and is much bigger than banks and underwriters. And your husband? He got the glory while you waited in the background and you were ok and preferred it that way. And he never hung up his coat. And there were bills and mortgages and private school and gymnastics and piano and you never missed anything. I didn't ever like being away from you. Because no matter what you made me feel important. "But a wise woman knows what powerful men can forget that the way to move Heaven and earth isn't with a strong arm but with a bowed head " I'm sure your head was bowed when we were 5 minutes later than curfew and when the cheer bus was hours late and for who I would marry and my salvation. You lived bowed. First to your God them your husband then your children. And you still had time to be a daughter yourself to the best grandparents ever. How I loved them. Your mom and dad. But you had to learn to parent on your own for your childhood was full of reprimands rather than praises. Yet you praised. Your childhood was not full of hugs and kisses yet you always had open arms and a lap for me to sit on. And could family vacations be anymore fun and full of humor? When I brought all dirty clothes?

1000 moms project and sdg

Ann Voskamp has a challenge on her blog called the 1000 moms project. You write a lettter to your mom on your blog, link with her and money is donated to the project that helps moms and babies in Haiti. So what more of a way to honor all my mom has done and is doing than by typing her a simple letter to tell her just how important she is. I am not an eloquent writer but mama doesnt care. She loves a homemade project and gift.
Dear Mom,
Where do I begin. You gave up your life for me, September 25, 1967 a really long hard labor in a airforce hospital in columbus ,ms. yielded a baby girl around 6 lbs, 6 ounces. I came out screaming and screamed and screamed. I was an attention hog from that day on. You were so young, a mere 22 year old child yourself, in a city away from family and friends, you chose to be a mother and a wife first. (actually you were a daughter of the King first)And I didnt make it easy and we had mny long days and nights together as we became aquainted with one another. God was developing patience in you for sure,"Everything beautiful always begins with a willingness to suffer" (thanks Ann Voskamp)and as a mother there is much suffering and it begins with labor, then you become last on a long list to get your needs taken care of.

somehow you managed to make hot chocoloate chip cookies, applesasuce muffins,warm chocolate pie, one with the topping and one without, we just couldnt be easy, right? Homecooked meals began and ended our days. I knew how important i was to you and still do. My favorite time of day was coming in the house after school and seeing you in the kitchen chair with a yummy snack that you hand made. I was the most important person in the room,you wanted every detail of my day, and i never asked about yours and that was ok with you. i guess i was an attention hog all along. You laughed at my jokes even though they werent funny and answered my ridiculous questions with a straight face like was i going to jail for throwing a banana peel out the window on the highway? and was a truck going to slip on it and wreck? i just knew they would find me.You were the audience for ou plays and dances and cheers etc. part one

Recipes and life.

When my grandmother died a few years ago she left me her recipes. Along with many memories and love and a relationship with Jesus Christ. I pulled the brown wooden boxes out today and realized they were completely out of order. Appetizers and chicken and vegetable dishes all in random places and really hard to put my finger on when needed. Kind of how life can be. Completely out of order. Chaos. No flow whatsoever. As i I began placing the right ones behind the right label I realized that it's just that simple to get my life in order. That I just need to place Jesus in front of all the rest and it will all fall into place and chaos becomes order and life flows again with a rhythm that only He can orchestrate. Praise always precedes the miracle. So I praise Him and ask Him to step in first and I go along the rest of today knowing He's got this.

If faith can move mountains

Today my faith was tested. Hour by hour minute by minute ! My precious mom better known as mama was admitted to the hospital. She's really ill and I'm really afraid of losing her. What we thought was simple became complicated in a matter of seconds. The chest X-ray ruined it all. Her bloodworm was another story. White count really low and now there's a bone marrow biopsy scheduled for tomorrow. Another day of nervous stomach and questions maybe answered and my life is changed forever. The results can change it all. Our cozy little set up. Not perfect but not awful either. God please work your miracles. Please.

His mysterious ways

This past week has been stressful to say the least. A little background? My mom has been really sick. She's been sick for a while. Since December she's had no energy. No desire to do anything. Since my dads Alzheimer's diagnosis she's shut down. She's used to being cared for. Not caring for. See in her 40s she had two heart attacks. Actually at my age really. So she subconsciously hoped to check out so she wouldn't have to watch my dad. Her sweetest husband. Godly man go down like she thinks he will.
Now on to the rest of the story. God is faithful. He will get our attention. And it may be in a way that we aren't find of. So mom goes in the hospital. She was swollen all over. Arms legs torso and fluid was everywhere. She had an emergency blood transfusion. Then lots of diuretics The miracle happened the first night in the hospital. God prompted me to call my pastor and neighbor in jackson ms. ( all this time I'm stuck in Pensacola) he shows up to speak truth to them and pray with them. While he was there my mom confessed that she didn't know for sure if she was going to heaven. The enemy was defeated that night and another life won for Jesus christ. Praise Him for this trial. Praise Him for her surrendering to Him. And for hearing all the prayers going up in our behalf. Peace is with us and there's proof that He works all for good!
In Him
Kim

When your tithe isn't supposed to hurt

Our tithe actually put our account in overdraft frenzy. An act of faith. But I'm taking this as a learning experience and I welcome His lesson in all of it and I still give in faith because my Father demands it. It's not my money really. It's His. I love how He always gives us what we need. I admit lately I have fallen short of what's expected if me but in His eyes I'm ok. I'm still loved and lovable. Praise Jesus. I don't feel like it today. I feel like a failure. Like I can try and try but can't get it right. What's so hard about balancing a checkbook? My accounting teacher would be so disappointed. Sorry mrs Arnold. So I get back up. Dust off the shame and ask for strength to try again. For I only truly fail when I quit. Need prayers today for anything? I'm honored to pray for you!

The zoo

All Gods creatures have a place in the choir. We went to the zoo today with the school. First grade class. My sweet first grader. I concluded today that the investment of time that we put into our children is the most important investment we will ever make. I love knowing that whether I'm there with m or not she knows God is watching and that's enough to keep her respectful of others and especially adults. So train up a child in the way they should go and when they're on a field trip at the zoo without u. They will be sweet and respectful of others in charge. Thank you sweet girl for a really fun day.

Palm Sunday

Jesus told His disciples to go get a colt and tell them the Lord sent them to get it. He rode through the town , shouts from the crowds hosanna in the highest !!! Palm branches on the streets. Everyone laying down everything at His feet. I'm laying. Everything at His feet. I'm laying my life at His feet. May we not be the same a week from now.

Praise you for all you have done

Dear God
I praise you for loving me and accepting me for me. For creating me and molding me into the imperfect yet perfect woman, mom, wife. Knowing that your Son came here before me to pave the way. From infancy to adulthood what am example for Me. So thank you. Thank you for the peace and love and acceptance and provision and love unending. My love for you is huge. This love story will continue.