Grace for today, hope for tomorrow

So today was supposed to be a start over day. Today I was going to get up earlier, pray longer, be more honest, forgive myself, make important phone calls, rededicated myself to all these jobs I have half way done, memorize more scripture and the list goes on. ......,

So to be honest? I was lazy in my mind. I let stresses of this world paralyze me and keep me from being productive. God doesn't expect from me all that I expect from myself. I'm really praying and listening to what is expected. And for now I know I'm supposed to seek Him first and put my agenda last. Die to self and dive into His word so that I will always know what He expects. To replace my desires with His. And to practice gratitude in these uncertain times. Times that I just know I could write my story much better. That I speak ugly words about and to myself about myself like " why can't you ever just clean up this clutter? Or why can't I just be a better mother ?" Or a better homeschooler? More supportive wife? " and the list goes on. But it's my list, not Gods... He wants me to do one thing well... Seek Him with all my heart and soul and all things will fall into place as I fall into Him.

Isn't that all He wants? Trust in trials. Trust His sovereignty in situations and know that a good God only gives good.

Tonight I will thank Him for His unconditional love for me and praise Him for the " not yet " answers. He's preparing something big I know. Joy comes in the morning. And after the mourning. And peace like a river floods. He makes all things new.