James Bond and Bonding

Oh little boys. I'm all he wanted when he was small. My voice was the only comfort that quieted and my arms were safe. When did your hands begin to look like your dads and when did you begin to shut me out? I am learning that mamas and little boys relationships so precious so rare so different and changes like the river and I'm feeling my way through. I used to know him like the back of my hand. I spend so much time with him and homeschooling and we laugh and bond. Over our same liking of James Bond. Oh how I love you my only boy. Your laugh and your hugs. Your talking. And talking. During tv shows and movies. I love your voice. And your laugh and your heart. It's so huge. Full of love for all. I'm praying you through this growing time. It's hard I know. Figuring out who you are. Why life's unfair. Why we moved you from all the people you know and love. And here to a place where you know no one. As a family we have never been closer. But you wouldn't have chosen this. Bubba and Mimi are your loves and you would move back in a heartbeat but God has us here. I love here. It's serenity. It's the beach. It's the ocean. It's the sand. I have found healing and the woman I really am. A closeness with my God so I can be the mom you need. One that will lead you by His Spirit of truth. I will speak life words to you and I will remind you always of your Creator and Savior Who love you so much and want a closeness with you. Be God fearing a seeking always. For now I will place all of you in His capable hands trusting Him to help me raise you to be the best you.

So today I'm just sitting next to you. Loving being your mom. Yes this is uncharted waters for me as the rest are girls. But His word is my guide and I'm loving this adventure. You may not be Buzz Lightyear anymore. I may not be April from the ninja turtles but we will always be each others. And I love you so much.